When we heard Jesus teach “In the same way, anyone of you who does not renounce all his possessions cannot be my disciple,” as he did in today’s gospel, many of us quite likely turned our thoughts to all our material possessions. Anyone who has moved or downsized knows how difficult it can be to decide what should and shouldn’t be “renounced.”
All this difficulty in deciding what to renounce reminds me of the picture I saw on Facebook featuring an 80’ish-year-old lady standing in front of the hutch in her dining room announcing to one of her adult children in would appear to be a self-assured, self-admiring, and somewhat self-congratulatory tone, “All of this will be yours one day.” The picture’s caption states: “Millennial thinking ‘Never. Nope. Not interested’.”
Were we to renounce all our material possessions, we’d have to trust entirely upon the goodness of others around us and, short of that, a quite unlikely divine intervention.
Jesus’ point seems to be human beings aren’t generally willing to let go of their material possessions and trust in the goodness of others, perhaps for the reason they know they’re not entirely trustworthy themselves! As a consequence, people across the generations have held onto material things to ensure that if they’re ever in need of any those things, they’ll never find themselves in the unenviable position of being dependent upon others who they’re unwilling to trust to begin with.
Among Catholics, that way of thinking lulls them into being “sleepy” Catholics. Over time, possessing “things” becomes more highly prized than living “faith.”
That would make for a great homily. But, it’s not this week’s topic.
Lest we forget, Jesus said “all his possessions”…not “some of his possessions.”
Quite likely, Jesus invoked that image to teach the crowds about a more fundamental matter of importance in every generation and one that, as “sleepy” Catholics, we oftentimes fail to consider: The importance of renouncing all our immaterial possessions. That is, none of us can be a disciple—not one of us can hope to become a “WOKE” Catholic—if we fail to renounce not just our material possessions but also our most highly-prized, immaterial possessions, namely, our opinions, beliefs, and ideas. Just as grasping hold and not letting go of our material possessions presents an impediment to discipleship, more problematic is grasping hold and not letting go of those immaterial possessions. The former is the precondition and foundation for learning what discipleship constitutes. The latter is the “proof” of discipleship.
In this regard, consider young adults as they would normally contemplate the vocation of marriage. Most of them have very high expectations:
- Being married will fill their lives with “marital bliss” and as husband and wife they’ll live “happily ever after.”
- They’ll always be for each other “the love of their lives,” “soul mates,” and “bestest friends.”
- Each and every day, their house will be a “home” filled with and radiating marital joy, peace, and bliss.
- They’ll enjoy all the amenities that will keep them comfortable and happy all the days of their lives “until death do we part.”
To sum up: Their entire lives will be just swell—the foretaste and promise of God’s kingdom right here on planet Earth!
Yet, if either or both spouses doesn’t renounce those lofty and high-minded opinions, thoughts, and ideas—all of them, Jesus teaches—the daily reality of marriage will cause its demise and, ultimately, its death.
Difficult as it may be for a wife to accept under ordinary circumstances, a husband doesn’t need to earn her love, honor, and obedience any more than a husband needs to earn his wife’s love, honor, and obedience. A wife ought to love, honor, and obey her husband simply because he is her husband, just as he ought to love, honor, and obey her simply because she is his wife. Period. End of discussion.
Sure, it’s quite likely that every husband will really “deserve” it periodically when his wife mocks, berates, belittles, and nags him…after all, no husband is perfect. But, unless a wife renounces those opinions, thoughts, and ideas about what marriage to her husband must and will be like, this wife won’t be giving her husband what she promised to deliver: To love, honor, and obey her husband all the days of her life.
Think about it: When a wife parcels out her love, honor, and obedience based upon a system of rewards and punishments, her husband will begin to feel demoralized, frustrated, and empty…a veritable stranger in their home. Without his sense of masculine purpose and fulfillment that his marriage ought to afford him, this husband will grow to dread returning home and, over time, prefer to be present in those places and with those people who appreciate him, his contributions, and admire his talents.
When a wife parcels out her love, honor, and obedience in this way—not “in memory of me,” as Jesus taught—this is precisely the moment when a marriage has entered a very dangerous place. Moreover, when a husband feels more like a purposeful and fulfilled man when he’s away from his wife than when he’s with her, lightning is about to strike. The marriage is on life-support and it’s not going to take much more of the same to finish it off.
Difficult as it may also be to accept under ordinary circumstances, a husband doesn’t possess a license to be lazy, insensitive, abusive, or uncaring toward his wife. Quite the opposite! A husband must pattern his days by living up to what he promised his wife: To love, honor, and obey her all the days of his life. Period. End of discussion.
Sure, it’s quite likely that every wife will “deserve” it when her husband expresses greater interest in his trivial interests than in his wife’s her fleeting feelings, cares, self-indulgent desires, and passing fancies…after all, no wife is perfect. But, unless a husband renounces those opinions, thoughts, and ideas about what marriage to his wife must and will be, this husband won’t be giving his wife what he promised to deliver: To love, honor, and obey her all the days of his life.
Think about it: When a husband parcels out his love, honor, and obedience for his wife based upon a system of rewards and punishments, his wife will feel demoralized and empty. Not feeling at home in their home, his wife’s sense of feminine purpose and fulfillment—what her marriage ought to afford her—will become an empty void. After a while, she will psychologically if not spiritually disconnect from her husband, preferring to discover her fulfillment in relationships and activities where other people and activities provide for and meet her psychological and spiritual needs.
This marriage has also entered a very dangerous place. When a woman feels more like a woman when she’s away from her husband than when she’s with him, disaster is right around the corner. The marriage is already ridden with cancer and it won’t take much time before it’s finished. Unless either or both spouses renounce all those lofty and high-minded opinions, thoughts, and ideas, as Jesus taught, the reality of marriage will diminish if not terminate what could have been long, happy, and fulfilling marriage...the foretaste and promise of God’s kingdom right here on planet Earth!
Might this help to explain why so many young Catholics today are unwilling to commit to the Sacrament of Marriage and choose instead to pretend to be married—to “live together”—which is the best predictor of a failed relationship or, if they do get eventually married, of a failed marriage? The idea of being married differs in very important ways to the lived reality of being married.
It’s the same with parenting.
When a Catholic spouses first confirm they’re going to become parents, visions of sugar plums and fairies dance around in their minds:
- They’re sure their child is going to be exemplary in every way because, of course, they’re going to be exemplary parents! To ensure that outcome, the expectant parents pour over and study books as well as videos about how best to parent children. Having prepped themselves in this way, Catholic parents are going to put to shame the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!
- When problems crop up as they surely, these parents are going to handle those problems expertly just as Ward and June Cleaver did with their two sons, Wallace and the Beaver! Their pathway to becoming grandparents won’t have any potholes, only a slight detour here and there due to the immaculately conceived child’s “mistake."
To sum up: These Catholic spouses will never lapse in remaining vigilant to be the first and best parents ever...in all history! Their family will be just swell—the foretaste and promise of God’s kingdom!
Difficult as it may be to accept, under ordinary circumstances all these lofty and high-minded opinions, thoughts, and ideas are illusory as the reality of parenthood will make eminently clear and in very short order. After all, no child—except Mary—was, is, or will ever be immaculately conceived...which means that every parent and every child is imperfect.
Then come the teenage years! While psychologists explain the phenomenon of teenage rebellion as “spreading the wings” and “testing out” a personal identity, teenage rebellion manifests disobedience to parental authority. Moreover, when parents “take the bait” and enter the fray by reacting to a miscreant teenager—rebels rebelling against the rebel—all those opinions, thoughts, and ideas about being perfect parents are exposed for the illusions they are because both children and their parents are imperfect.
Unless either or both parents renounce all those illusions, raising a child can turn what has the potential to be a wonderful family and a loving home into a war zone and hell hole.
It’s no different with being a child.
Difficult as it may be for children to believe, their parents don’t need to earn a child’s respect more than a child needs to earn parental respect. Under ordinary circumstances, a child ought to obey one’s parents if only for the reason God has specially chosen them for this child, just as parents ought to respect a child because God has entrusted His child to their ministry. Period. End of discussion.
Think about it: When a child disobeys one’s parents, that leaves them feeling demoralized and empty. Not feeling at home in their home, their parental sense of purpose and fulfillment goes out the door, leaving an empty void and turning their home into a house. After a while, parents psychologically if not spiritually disconnect from the child, seeking fulfillment in other things that won’t ever fill the void created by the child’s disrespect.
Also think about this: When parents disrespect a child, that child also feels demoralized and empty because there’s nothing more a child desires and needs than to be loved and respected by one’s parents. Not feeling at home in one’s home, the child will seek a sense of purpose and fulfillment in other things—video games and fantasies as well as one’s peers and cliques who get involved in all sorts of misbehavior. After a while, the child will psychologically if not spiritually disconnect from one’s parents, filling the child’s emptiness and pain with temporary elixirs that only prove addictive and oftentimes end in death.
This family has entered a very dangerous place. When parents feel better off when their child is disconnected from them and a child feels better off when disconnected from one’s parents, disaster is right around the corner. The family is already on life support and it won’t take much to finish it off.
The Book of Wisdom reminded us in today’s first reading that playing the “game of life” by our rules ends only in unhappiness. We heard: “…scarce do we guess the things on earth, and what is within our grasp we find with difficulty….” Loving, honoring, and respecting others results from being wise—of patterning one’s conduct according to wisdom which is a gift of the Holy Spirit—is how “the paths of those on earth made straight.”
As an old man, St. Paul observed to Philemon in today’s epistle, “the good you do [must] not be forced but voluntary.” Loving, honoring, and obeying one’s spouse, loving, honoring, and obeying one’s parents, as well as loving, honoring, and respecting the children God has entrusted to the ministry of their parents cannot be legislated. Today’s scripture reminds all of us—as spouses, parents, and children—that life isn’t a “game” we can play by our rules. No, our days are to be lived according to God’s law.
If spouses, parents, and children are to know God’s counsel and to conceive what the LORD intends for them individually and collectively in their lives, marriages, and families, they must actively consult the Holy Spirit God has breathed into them, first, when they were conceived, second, when they were baptized, third, when they were confirmed and, fourth, each time they confess their sins and are absolved of them. By listening to the Holy Spirit speaking from within, “sleepy” Catholics awake from their slumber and arise from their sleep…for the new day that’s dawning for all those who weep.
That represents this week’s challenge from scripture: To listen to the tears of our hearts.
Try conducting this memento mori each day this week: Reflect upon a challenge you’re experiencing in your relationship with your spouse, a child, or a parent. What’s preventing you from being loving, from honoring, and from obeying that person? Then, renounce all those thoughts, opinions, and ideas.
It’s as simple as that, that is, if one’s goal is to become a “WOKE” Catholic.
Then, make the commitment to start each day fresh, not looking backward upon the imperfect but forward to the perfect by identifying how you will improve that relationship so it might be renewed and become a source of joy rather than leave behind leave behind another day’s worth of a trail of tears. Ask yourself: “What would love, honor, and obedience require me to do today?”
This is how people who live in darkness see a great light—the light of truth uttered by the Holy Spirit within and supported by Scripture and Church teaching—that illuminates the path they are to take. Then, “do this, in memory of me,” as Jesus taught.
Doing “this, in memory of me” provides yet another spiritual and moral discipline that will assist us to arise from our slumber and no longer be “sleepy” Catholics. Then, given time and a whole lot of practice over a whole lot of time, we will gradually become “WOKE” Catholics who experience the fulfillment of the promise made on Christmas Eve: “They shall name him ‘Emmanuel,’ that is, ‘God is with us’.”
All it will take, as Jesus taught the people, is to renounce all our possessions…especially our thoughts, opinions, and ideas regarding how we believe people and things in this world ought to be. As the author of the Book of Wisdom reminded us:
Who can know God’s counsel, or who can conceive what the LORD intends….Or who ever knew your counsel, except you had given wisdom and sent your holy spirit from on high? And thus were the paths of those on earth made straight.
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