From the crib to the Crucifix: Being good shepherds of one another...

When scripture uses the term “good shepherd,” I think it unfortunate that many—if not most—of us immediately think about Jesus, the Pope, and perhaps all those cardinals, archbishops, and bishops. Those folks are supposed to imitate Jesus—the “Good Shepherd”—who lead the Church as “good shepherds” for all the “sheep” God has entrusted to their ministry.

In “theory” that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

And that’s the image “Christmas crib Catholics” want to have of those Church leaders.

But, in the real world where sinful humanity reigns, popes, cardinals, archbishops, and bishops across the millennia have cared more about “shepherding” themselves, leaving God’s people as “sheep without a shepherd.”

Unfortunately, we know this all too well and perhaps we should take some comfort from the fact that it has been ever thus…even among the Jewish religious leaders of Jesus’ day! After all, that’s who Jesus was alluding to in today’s gospel.

But, no. We shouldn’t be heartened by the fact that sinful humanity reigns in the real world of the Church. What we should be aware of is how this childish faith deflects us from considering our individual call to be “good shepherds” of the “sheep” God has entrusted to our ministry.

Consider what the Catholic Church teaches about marriage: God has called spouses to be “good shepherds” of one another.

This teaching calls to my mind what the wife of a good friend once said to him, “Always remember God has sent me—my mission in life—is to perfect you!” Now, while we may chuckle at the comment, spouses who aren’t good shepherds of one another leave their spouse like “sheep without a shepherd.” Any spouse with any real depth of marital experience knows firsthand that, just as the sands pass through the hourglass, so the days of any marriage test—and sometimes really test—what each spouse didn’t mean by “I will love you, honor you, and obey you all the days of my life.”

In the ideal world of marriage, Catholics with a childish “crib” faith believe that each day should extend the previous day’s inestimable wedded bliss. Yet, unbelievable as that is, many spouses today possess that childish faith—they long for the “perfect” marriage.

However, in the real world of marriage where sinful humanity reigns, spouses across the millennia have cared more about “shepherding” themselves. Each day, a spouse’s imperfections have become even more obvious—every difficulty is the other spouse’s fault because it’s patently obvious to any other, objective person that, yes, this person is obviously imperfect and selfish—each day ends with feeling even more fed up with a spouse’s imperfections. This is how sin drives a wedge between spouses, leaving them like “sheep without a shepherd.” And so, just as the sands through the hourglass, so are the days of their less-than-perfect marriage. The question “Why did I get married?” is their last thought, not gratitude to God for one’s spouse.

Consider also what the Catholic Church teaches about family: God has called parents to be “good shepherds” of  the children God has entrusted to their ministry.

In the ideal world of family, Catholics possessing a “crib” faith immediately call to mind TV shows like “The Walton’s,” “Little House on the Prairie,” and “Happy Days,” and for people of my generation, “Donna Reed,” “Father Knows Best,” “The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,” “My Three Sons,” and “Leave it to Beaver.” In this ideal world where everyone has been immaculately conceived, parents and their children love, honor, and obey each other. Every problem is resolved by day’s end as parents and their children come to a deeper, more appreciative understanding of what family life requires. Then, with everyone giving each other good-night hugs, a good night’s sleep is had by all…each and every night, week in and week out, month in and month out, “usque ad aeternum” (“until eternity”).

In the ideal world of family, Catholics with a childish “crib” faith believe each day should just like one of those TV shows. Yet, unbelievable as that is, many family members today long for that “perfect” family.

In the real world of family where sinful humanity reigns, parents and children across the millennia have cared more about “shepherding” themselves. Fed up with one another’s imperfections, there’s no mutual understanding about what being a realistic family requires and at day’s end—with everyone blaming everyone else for everything they’ve done for everything that’s wrong with anything and everything— parents and their children are “sheep without a shepherd” who can’t get even one good night’s sleep. Forget thanking God for the gift of children and family.

Here’s the problem: In the real world of both marriage and family, spouses, family members, children, and siblings possess a childish faith. Responding to one another not like Jesus whose “heart was moved with pity for them, for they were like sheep without a shepherd,” most of us allow our hearts to grow as hard and cold as stone, perhaps as hard as a blue 18-carat diamond. Most of us do our very best to look good on the outside, but on the inside our hearts are inert and completely devoid of love for one another, only ourselves.

It’s so very easy for “crib” Catholics to point the finger of blame at all of those decrepit churchmen over the millennia who leave their sheep not only without a shepherd. It’s also easy to point the finger of blame at their spouses and children for not having been immaculately conceived. But, it’s much more difficult to point the finger of blame at ourselves and to work at improving our marriages and families by becoming good shepherds of one another. If our hearts were moved by pity, we’d perform the only genuine miracle we’re able to perform and at any moment we wish: To forgive them, “for they don’t know what they are doing.” Doing so would have an immediate impact: It would improve the quality of our marriages and family lives.

But, to “do this in memory of me” as Jesus taught, would require possessing a more childlike, “crucifix” faith, one that’s constructed upon the bedrock of humility—awareness of one’s sinful, fallen nature and the need we all have for forgiveness for our trespasses. Recognizing that truth about ourselves would move our hearts with pity for others because, just like ourselves, those folks didn’t know what they were doing.

How so? Think about it: If they did know and understood its tragic costs to their marriages and families, they’d never have done what they freely chose to do.

That represents our challenge from scripture for the upcoming week: To strive to be good shepherds of the people God has entrusted to our ministry.

That requires us no longer to point the finger of blame at one another.

How can we do that?

When a spouse, child, or family member does something we’d otherwise allow to drive us crazy, instead of getting angry or spiteful yet once again: Step back, take a deep breath, bow your head, close your eyes, and utter the prayer representing an authentic “crucifix” faith:

Father, forgive them, for they know not what they’re doing.

This more childlike response to sin nourishes a deeper and more childlike, adult faith—the one Jesus taught as his heart was moved with pity for sinners—and effect the only miracle that human beings can effect at any moment they will it...and, most importantly, in their marriages and families.

Embracing the Crucifix, each of us will grasp the truth written in love by St. Paul to the Ephesians as we learn to live it in our marriages and families:

He came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near.